Is She Crying Again?
Coping with my Emotions in Adulthood
Originally published in ‘Black Bear’ on Medium
I have always been an emotional person. This is a fact, and everyone who knows me will tell you that. I recall from when I was a kid, friends and family calling me a drama queen and a crybaby. I never thought something was wrong with me until later in life, after I sought therapy.
And I have seen a lot of therapists.
And as I grow older, I continue to peel away layers so I can uncover myself. It’s amazing what we can find out about ourselves if we dig deep enough.
Addiction and mental health issues tag-teaming me
In hindsight, alcohol helped because it would numb my emotions so I wouldn’t be the crybaby or the drama queen, because it made me feel nothing.
Why?
Because alcohol is a depressant!
It is meant to make us feel nothing. Alcohol is a depressant — it’s just doing its job. I was so depressed and felt like nothing because I was drinking a substance that was meant to numb everything. It was counterintuitive. Emotions are supposed to be felt, the good and the bad. We need to take care of our mental health, and we should learn how to process our emotions. I learned this the hard way, and I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t get through the nightmare that is addiction and depression.
I’ll show you a crybaby
Now, I let my emotions flow. I embrace being a drama queen and a crybaby. I am an emotional woman, and I do not numb my emotions anymore. The people who know me deal with it and don’t ask me to change. I can be myself now. I do not care what other people think.
When something excites me, I get loud and shrill! When I feel angst, I whine. My daughter picks on me when I get emotional, but when she feels that way, I am there for her, encouraging her to be with her emotions. So many of us were raised to suck it up but maybe addiction would have bypassed us if we were able to feel and sit with our emotions when we were kids. I don’t know if it is because I am older and wiser, or that I just don’t give a fuck, but when I feel ANYTHING, I feel it passionately, and if someone doesn’t like it, then they can walk the other way.
I will wear my crybaby badge with pride!